defendure | FOLKMORE INBOX.

[ Long, long pause as he tries to figure out how to put this: ]

I don't think that's a good idea right now. Not because of you, but because of me.

[ He's extremely possessive of Katsuki's blood and gets...

Weird.

About things. So he thinks he needs to step it back and try to be a bit more normal here. He thinks it's probably effecting things between them on both sides. ]

I'm working on regulating certain urges and reactions and part of that means going human blood free.

(Wow- okay. He has to grind his teeth together to keep from instantly reacting.)

Right.

(Of course Izuku decides to do this after their last conversation. It feels a hell of a lot like it's Katsuki's fault and whatever guilt he felt before weighs down even heavier. He's pretty sure he has heard this kinda shit said during break-ups all the time to spare someone the truth: It's not you, it's me!)

Good luck I guess.

Thank you for the offer. Of blood. I seriously do appreciate it.

And thank you for the well wishes! I will do my best.

[ He did decide it after their last conversation, but he's just...trying to untangle some of the threads so they don't keep getting tangled in them.

Though he realizes they just did again, or at least that Katsuki isn't responding like he might otherwise. ]

If we can work more animal blood into some human food recipes that would be cool though.

Okay.

Just eat steak or undercooked burgers...?

So why are you only just now deciding to do this instead of literally months ago?

I think it's effecting how things are between us & how I'm viewed, and I don't want it to run our lives.

Those work. Maybe blood sauce?

Okay, so this is because of me and shit I've said. Figured. It wasn't running our lives. you could have talked about this choice with me before just making it.

Do whatever the hell you want. you already are.

[ He has no idea what the hell to do here.

Talking about how he felt last time got Katsuki to freeze him out.

Trying to do something else this time got him snapped at.

He's not sure what the "right" move is, and frustration seeps into his reply when it finally comes. He'll try again, although he feels shaky. ]

please stop.

can we forget what i told you the last time we talked?

(It wasn't really an intentional freeze-out so much as him not wanting to make Izuku feel worse.)

Which part

Actually. No. Fuck you. I'm gonna say shit.

I'm sorry if I made you feel like I used to when we were kids. That fucking sucks and you're right, it wasn't my damn intention. And I'm sorry I didn't know how to deal with that so I bailed because I have no fucking idea how to treat you the way I actually want to fucking treat you but I'm realizing that I shouldn't just mutilate my personality into something it's not because you already know who I fucking am and how I fucking operate so fuck all of that.

I don't think you're some dumb slut because of you finding other people attractive. I'm fucking jealous because I just don't like you thinking about other people in general and I fucking understand that it's irrational and possessive but it ain't a reflection on YOUR dumb ass. I sure as fuck know your nerdy ass isn't going to sleep around and I never was worried about that. I just want to be number one in your stupid head and I'm a damn competitive person and that includes who you find attractive, you fucking nerd.

I felt weird and different because other people normally DO find other people attractive and I was trying to fucking understand myself and what the hell was going on in my own head. I'm sorry that it wound up coming across like I was trying to make you feel shitty about yourself.

And I wasn't TRYING to make choices for you, damn it. I've never done this shit before and I didn't want to risk making you feel fucking pressured by shit and I REALIZE I should have just said that but god fuck all right I don't want to ruin this shit we've got going.

But I'm pretty sure I already HAVE because now you don't want to feed from me and acting like we need to create some distance and if that's what you really want, then fucking fine. FINE. whatever. I'll accept it but I'm going to be hurt because I really liked being closer to you and that's just the fucking truth of it all okay.

jesus fucking christ.

Make your own damn mind up about what you want to do. I'm gonna fucking blow shit up in the meantime because I fucking hate this stupid tension and I hate that I made you cry AGAIN and I hate that I keep fucking shit up. I'm not trying to make you feel shitty I'm just trying to understand shit thats new to me damn it.

I don't want you to change your personality. All I wanted was to explain why that was bothering me, when you kept talking about how I could be with anyone.

What we've done isn't something I was taking lightly and it was making me feel like you did, or thought I'd do it with anyone. I decided to tell you that because I didn't think it was on purpose and I thought you'd want to know so we could course correct. I didn't and don't think that would be changing your personality and I hope that's not how you're taking it, it's more like if you want to tease me I just didn't want you to use something really new and fragile to me, too. And I didn't think you would want to if you knew?

And I thought since we'd been getting along so well I could try to draw that line about one thing that I didn't feel ok about.

I only told you because I otherwise felt safe and cared about and thought we could work it out. I didn't mean for you to take it that I felt bad about everything else, and I am sorry for that.

I don't want to make you feel badly about yourself either so I'm sorry that happened. The fact I think other people are attractive has no bearing on how I feel about you and doesn't really compare to it.

You're number one in almost every way to me. Your biggest competition is my mother and All Might and they don't occupy the same category as you at all.

I just wanted to back off of feeding because I did feel like it was giving you the impression I was easy or something and I didn't want to do anything sexual while we were upset and make things like worse? And it's hard to separate that from feeding for me. I get weird about you.

yeah and i realize that now. I guess I just took it the worst way possible because I've been trying to get better about how I treat you and I think I just figured I fucked it up by making you feel like that again? I should have calmed the fuck down and taken a breather

I know it isn't. I don't think it's something either of us would do lightly or with just anyone. Neither of us are like that. I just fucking panicked and wondered if there was maybe someone else you would have considered doing this stuff with since I'm - I don't know. I know some of our classmates are easier to get along with than me. It's not like I thought you'd just do it with whoever.

but I realize kind of now why you might think that was what I was getting at. I was fucking up my own feelings of worth with what you wanted and thinking about what you deserved without really actually paying attention to what you were saying. so. I'm sorry.

I didn't think you were easy ever. Not with the feeding or anything else. I guess I'll admit and say I doubt we would have slept together if you weren't transformed into an incubus but I don't mean that in like. a bad way. I think

(How does he...do this...without doing this...)

you really are the only person i'm attracted to, but I'm not so sure i would have tried to make any sort of sexual move on you and i highly doubt you'd have tried to make any sexual move on me just-- out of the blue, you know? We both have things we're focused on, we're both goal oriented, we're both striving for other things. Maybe I'm wrong, but when I say that I think you wouldn't have slept with me without hte incubus thing, it's not a judgment. It's just. An observation and not a denial of your attraction or anything it's just.

I mean we're kind of fucking idiots about each other and sex complicates shit even more but i don't regret our first time together and I think that was US getting together and had nothing to do with you being an incubus or me being horny off your feeding or anything. I think we've done a lot of shit that's just you and me and not influenced by feeding stuff.

and I like what we have. I also think that my fox shit has made me way more possessive of you than normal so I'll admit maybe i'm more fucking sensitive than normal but i should have just explained this better in the first place than getting fixated on panicking over stupid competition stuff that doesn't even exist and i should have trusted you when you said it's not like that.

I get weird about you too. but it's not really all to do with the feeding stuff. I'm always fucking weird about you.

I just.

I don't want to force you into a corner over anything. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything or like this feeding shit needs to change our relationship. I want to do that stuff with you because i'd want to do it anyway. the feeding stuff just makes it happen faster. I'd sleep with you without any of this other stuff going on. And, like. exclusively you. Okay?

I don't think it's realistic to think we won't ever get upset or hurt about one another. As long as we talk it out and work through it you're treating me way better and exactly how I want to be treated. I also want to know when I hurt you so I can stop whatever I'm doing to hurt you, if that makes sense? Or at least talk about it.

I don't think we would have slept together. I don't think we would have slept with anyone. I can't picture doing that at home without dating someone and I can't imagine having the time for that with everything?

I've never thought about doing anything with anyone here or back home. The only time I felt like you were trying to make a choice for me was when you were saying I could with anyone, when that wasn't true and I'd already decided to do this with just you like you asked.

Okay, yeah. You're right. It does make sense and we'll work on it.

I agree with you. It wasn't really in our cards either way back home with everything going on.

I guess I was thinking of it as like...I don't know, honestly. I was confused about my own lack of interest in anyone else but mistaking your general attraction for general interest and i know you clarified it wasn't like that. I was just insecure. I don't really have any other excuses for it. so, I'm sorry I did that.

I don't want you to stop feeding from me because I like being able to provide for you like that but if you genuinely don't want to feed from me anymore i'll respect that and help you figure out this blood shit.

I'm ok with feeding from you. I was just worried it was making you think that's the basis of everything we do or that I was like

I don't know, kind of easy. It was worrying me, but this helped a lot.

No.

i mean. at first I wondered if that was the only reason you were sleeping with me. But then

well. you mounted me at the carnival and you weren't hungry and I realized maybe you like this as much as I like this.

[ It is so embarrassing to read the part where he mounted Katsuki...

Like that's what it was but KACCHAN... ]

It felt like you were flirting back and it would be ok?

Yeah I was flirting back. Did you see yourself that night? how the fuck could I not flirt with you when you were looking like that

Would you dress up for me? In something

Kind of like that.

Yeah. I would.

Did you have something specific in mind?

Leather. And maybe lace. And your chest.

You kinda sound like you've thought about this before.

My chest?

Probably one of your best features?

One of them? What about the other ones?

I like your eyes.

That doesn't seem to have much to do with my chest

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I was hiking and then napping and now I gotta hike more save me

RIP oh no

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