(AHHUGHGHGH. Katsuki screams and tries to get those arms off of him. He's also not trying that hard and Izuku is super strong??? So it's not like he gets far.)
You literally were just talking about how there's a bunch of attractive people back home, jackass! And you said the other day that you flirt with people!
(He winds up resting his chin on Izuku's head because now he was tall enough to do that.)
I'm not mad.
(He's just...insecure. And trying to deal with feelings without actually dealing with feelings.)
It's just fuckin' awkward, okay? I know if one of our other classmates were here instead of me, you'd probably have no issue about doing it with them the way you're doing it with me to survive. It's just embarrassing because I know I wouldn't be able to say the same. That's all.
Listen, you don't get it, okay? It's not a big deal. We're just wired differently.
(One day Izuku might actually want those people he's attracted to and he'd be in his right to. It's not like they're dating. They promised to do this sex thing for the benefit of Izuku's feeding cycle. Katsuki wasn't dumb. He wasn't going to trick himself into thinking this was something more than that.)
I'm a means to an end and anyone you find attractive could take my place. It's just how it is. So. (He's...! Not bitter or anything!)
(Oh shit. Now he feels a flicker of guilt and a bit of shame too because Izuku was right. He was the one who suggested this in the first place. But it was to save Izuku. Because Izuku would have starved to death otherwise. Then again the sex thing...That was a choice he had made too.)
Don't cry. I'm just-. (Trying to avoid heartbreak??? He can't say that.)
C'mon, Deku. (He tries to reach out to Izuku, one hand going to his shoulder. Please go back to holding him...!)
I-I don't get why you keep s-saying I'll s-sleep with anyone j-just because I think p-people look attractive? T-that's not - w-why do you think I'm so - ?
[ He's not even sure. Slutty? It feels kind of weird to be told the second he says someone is attractive that he's going to go sleep with them instead. ]
I-I'm not "wired" like you keep saying.
[ If he was, he'd be sleeping with half the game. They're very attractive people around these parts? But he's obsessing over Katsuki instead for a reason. ]
That's not what I'm saying. I'm just-. (How to talk about this in a way that doesn't make a crush super obvious.)
You said you flirted with people. And you find them attractive. I just am saying I feel awkward because it's probably weird that I don't.
(Find other people attractive. Was he just not looking enough? He doesn't know. He didn't really want to look.)
I don't want to make you feel weird. (SEE LIKE...He's jealous okay! He has no idea how to deal with competition. Other very attractive people had good personalities. Less complicated histories. He hadn't even noticed because he hadn't really been looking. Sometimes relationship insecurity just comes from not having a relationship to begin with.)
I'm the weird one, okay? It's normal to find other people attractive. Whatever. There's nothing bad about that. I should probably just like - try to fucking do the same and be less goddamn weird.
Thinking people are attractive is different from being attracted to them!
[ Which maybe Katsuki doesn't totally get because of the whole attracted to one person thing, but for Izuku he can look at someone and go "oh, they're attractive" and it just ends there. No desire to act upon the thought. ]
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[ No, now he is hugging Katsuki around the middle to keep him from leaving. ]
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You literally were just talking about how there's a bunch of attractive people back home, jackass! And you said the other day that you flirt with people!
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After a moment, he sighs, rubbing his face.)
You can stop crushing me now.
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[ That comes out muffled. ]
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I ain't going anywhere, nerd.
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[ It isn't fair. =( ]
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I'm not mad.
(He's just...insecure. And trying to deal with feelings without actually dealing with feelings.)
It's just fuckin' awkward, okay? I know if one of our other classmates were here instead of me, you'd probably have no issue about doing it with them the way you're doing it with me to survive. It's just embarrassing because I know I wouldn't be able to say the same. That's all.
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Now it's threatening to be. He grips Katsuki tighter at the mention of other people. ]
Y-you can't.
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(He grimaces, but not entirely out of pain. Mostly surprise.)
The hell you saying?
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[ Izuku is still hiding his face. ]
W-we agreed to just have it be us. Didn't we?
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Tch. Haven't you been listening? I already said I don't find anyone but you attractive.
(He rolls his eyes but winds up wrapping an arm around Izuku's waist.)
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[ He feels like if he lets go Katsuki might disappear...anxiety. ]
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(He knew this REALISTICALLY.)
Listen, you don't get it, okay? It's not a big deal. We're just wired differently.
(One day Izuku might actually want those people he's attracted to and he'd be in his right to. It's not like they're dating. They promised to do this sex thing for the benefit of Izuku's feeding cycle. Katsuki wasn't dumb. He wasn't going to trick himself into thinking this was something more than that.)
I'm a means to an end and anyone you find attractive could take my place. It's just how it is. So. (He's...! Not bitter or anything!)
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[ OK he is now crying, because he's Izuku Midoriya and he can't help himself.
He is letting go to scrub at his face though. ]
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Don't cry. I'm just-. (Trying to avoid heartbreak??? He can't say that.)
C'mon, Deku. (He tries to reach out to Izuku, one hand going to his shoulder. Please go back to holding him...!)
I'm sorry.
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[ He's not even sure. Slutty? It feels kind of weird to be told the second he says someone is attractive that he's going to go sleep with them instead. ]
I-I'm not "wired" like you keep saying.
[ If he was, he'd be sleeping with half the game. They're very attractive people around these parts? But he's obsessing over Katsuki instead for a reason. ]
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You said you flirted with people. And you find them attractive. I just am saying I feel awkward because it's probably weird that I don't.
(Find other people attractive. Was he just not looking enough? He doesn't know. He didn't really want to look.)
I don't want to make you feel weird. (SEE LIKE...He's jealous okay! He has no idea how to deal with competition. Other very attractive people had good personalities. Less complicated histories. He hadn't even noticed because he hadn't really been looking. Sometimes relationship insecurity just comes from not having a relationship to begin with.)
I'm the weird one, okay? It's normal to find other people attractive. Whatever. There's nothing bad about that. I should probably just like - try to fucking do the same and be less goddamn weird.
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[ He is a little bit worried he might lose it if Katsuki tries but look. ]
And I don't flirt with people!
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(Asking for a friend.)
You said you did!
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[ Also he is still crying. ]
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(He just! Didn’t want this to be so one sided!)
I’m only attracted to you but you’re not only attracted to me. Isn’t that weird? For me?
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[ Which maybe Katsuki doesn't totally get because of the whole attracted to one person thing, but for Izuku he can look at someone and go "oh, they're attractive" and it just ends there. No desire to act upon the thought. ]
I-I don't care as long as you stay with me.
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