(It's not really what Katsuki wants to hear but he's unsurprised. It was fuel for why he was insecure when he first heard that Izuku found their classmates attractive. He looks away again and busies himself with getting his veggies into a pan to start building up a sauce.)
Yeah, I can see why you would too. Can't say I relate, but, well.
(He notices the correction and glances over at Izuku. There's another unpleasant clench in his chest and he looks back down, frowning.)
Yeah. I know you wouldn't do that now.
(He rubs at the back of his neck, not sure how to express his - feelings. He doesn't really want to, he realizes, because it's all too vulnerable and shitty and it hadn't ended great the last time.)
It's fine, Izuku. I just didn't like hearing about it confirmed is all. That's my fuckin' problem.
No. [ He knows Ochako is pretty and he thinks she's kind and strong. There's admiration there, and she makes him nervous sometimes. But it's not quite the same thing as... ]
And it's not, um. Confirmed. I - I mean. We...can kind of choose what happens when we go back, Kacchan.
(That does make him relax a bit. He sighs quietly. Shit still wasn't amazing to think about because fuck off he hates the idea of Izuku humoring anyone with a date.
Which hm...)
Yeah. Well. How would you feel if-.
(He stops.)
Not if we don't remember what happened here. (He can't help but be pessimistic. He looks at Izuku then, meeting his gaze dead on.)
I hate the idea of losing what we have. And I hate the idea that maybe if someone else from home had been here and had gotten to you first...
(That he wouldn't have had the chance he did. He knew it was dumb to think about the what-ifs that didn't happen. It's stupid as shit. But older Izuku sitting on that couch with a wedding ring and talking about how he dated Ochako sucked. He's just kinda sulking.)
I mean, fuck. It's not like...(We're dating. The words don't make it but the silence is heavy enough.)
I dunno. I don't wanna - turn this into a fight again. (Granted, they weren't fighting now and were already doing way better than last time, but damn if he's not gunshy on the whole subject.)
[ Izuku doesn't want to fight about it either. It's why he's being a little cautious about outright saying anything. There's things between them that don't quite fit right now in the way things do as you learn to put your jagged edges right up against someone else's. And there's other pieces of them already welded together. It's tough to navigate.
They're fragile and resilient at the same time. ]
It wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't...there's things that are only possible because I ended up here with you. Or - do you think, if someone else had come here with you. Kaminari-kun or Sero-kun or Kirishima-kun.
Would just having shown up here with them meant they'd be standing here with you instead?
(It is tough to navigate. Especially when neither of them were ready to confess to painfully obvious romantic emotions. Katsuki wasn't ready to risk that - especially since he had already been hamfisted about this exact subject before and caused that first rift.
Katsuki snorts at the very idea of all that nonsense.)
Hell no. (At least he didn't really think so. He can't imagine it. But maybe he did, in some universe, get over Izuku if Izuku got with someone else.)
But I also wouldn't just say yes to whoever asked me out just 'cause they care about me. (Then again...) Or maybe I would back home. I dunno. I've never had anyone ask me out either so the fuck do I know.
Well, neither have I. And I don't...I wouldn't say yes. But I guess I'm just trying to understand how it happened to another version of me...
[ While fighting off a lot of fears he's not sure he can share with Katsuki. Even just talking about this feels hard.
He's scared Katsuki is blaming him for it. It's...hard to tell if Katsuki is just angry at the thought of the future, or if he's back to being angry at Izuku for something that isn't happening right now. It feels weirdly like being on trial about his feelings, and he's not sure how to get them across. Does a future alternate version of himself dating someone else mean Katsuki's going to hold it against him, or...he can tell Katsuki is trying to be calm, but he can also tell Katsuki isn't happy.
He trails off, debating what to say. The fear and hesitance is obvious in his hunched shoulder posture, in the way he's looking at their kitchen floor. ]
G-going on a few dates with someone...isn't exactly...I mean, it's...maybe I would have agreed to go on a date with someone else if you hadn't been here, but...that doesn't mean it would have gone anywhere. And...I, um. I don't think it ever could have. Not unless...something was very different.
(The thing is Katsuki isn't really angry. That isn't the right word for it. He's just jealous. He's jealous of the idea of Izuku saying yes to other people, dating other people, because - well. He loves him. He likes him. Why would he want to think of that or hear that? And he didn't want Izuku to take his jealousy the wrong way, but he also couldn't pretend like it wasn't there either. He couldn't pretend like he was fine or indifferent to the idea of Izuku dating other people.
Mostly because at the end of the day, Katsuki wasn't a liar and had no interest in being one. Even if it was maybe for the best sometimes. And okay, he was avoiding being completely honest by just confessing.)
Yeah. (A mumble. He sighs.)
You don't gotta look like I'm gonna chew off your head for it. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. (He...hated it! But like.)
How I feel is that...I don't want to date anyone from our class back home...or, uh, anyone we've met here. Whatever the older me did, I...don't think he's married to one of our classmates.
[ He can't be sure. But...he's kind of sure. ]
Um. Even if he was, it wouldn't be the future I want.
And how I feel is I'm never gonna be happy about you dating other people or being open to dating other people. I don't wanna feel guilty every time I feel jealous over that shit.
(So.)
How would you feel if I was open to dating other people?
(A blunt question because, well, he had to deal with listening to Izuku talk about how he would date other people under certain circumstances, so! A fair question maybe. And he stares at Izuku when he asks it.)
In general. Not right now, obviously. But what if I was standing here telling you maybe I would have dated other people too?
(Thing is - Katsuki was fairly sure of who future him was married to as well because, unlike Izuku, he really can't imagine saying yes to a date with anyone but Izuku.)
[ Dating other people. He can see how it would have happened. He can even picture Katsuki dating someone else - he always kind of figured Katsuki would just ace romance if he ever decided he wanted it, and of course it probably would be with someone amazing... ]
And, uh. I guess I - I always figured you would. Until...er, when you told me you didn't have...an interest. I mean, I never thought you were into anyone in particular, but I just always assumed someday you'd get a - well, I assumed a girlfriend or a boyfriend because I didn't know until we got here you were exclusively into guys? So I just kind of assumed, er, well, when we were kids I figured it would be someone strong and cool, and I decided I would be happy for you if you were happy. I thought about it sometimes. I think about almost everything a lot? That's what I - that's why I'm trying to think about, well, I guess this could have happened if this other thing happened or that one thing didn't happen...because I feel like I have to try to understand it, I guess?
[ He's rambling. It's not even on purpose right now, he's just trying to honestly answer the question as thoroughly as he can. ]
I would have been happy for you, and I would have wanted whatever I could get from you. Kacchan, until we got here I didn't even...um, well. Being friends again seemed for so long like it was out of reach, you know?
[ And they got there. They're friends again. ]
...I never let myself think about anything beyond that until you said we should sleep together. I lost you once already, and I never want to lose you again. So...
(He can't help but clench his teeth at Izuku's response. It's not what he wants to hear either, but it's so damn like Izuku to be so selfless. He didn't want Izuku to be okay with him being with someone else. Izuku was - more mature than him, and not for the first time, he's ahead of Katsuki even with this shit.
Katsuki feels an idle roll of shame and he frowns down at the dinner he was working on and rubs the back of his hand across his forehead.)
Yeah, I know.
(And that's what he should be focusing on. Not- fucking dating stuff. He takes a deep breath again and forces himself to just - fucking. Chill.)
I didn't really think about this stuff before we got here either. (He slides his hand through his hair and sets the lid onto the pot and steps away from the stove. He turns towards Izuku, not quite looking at him, but he does gaze towards him.)
You won't lose me again, Izuku. We've moved past that.
(He raises his brows, frowning at Izuku because what's he mean by that-.)
Huh?
(Katsuki finds it easy to be jealous of possibilities because those possibilities...felt real enough. Plus, he just wasn't ever going to be okay with the idea of Izuku into others. He couldn't be happy about that.)
I mean, you were looking at him a lot. S-so...um. It just like - I mean you said you were only attracted to me but he's kind of me and I guess he's cooler looking so I would understand if you like him better?
[ This is what Izuku has been worrying about in addition to the question of who they married, by the way. ]
Those are two different things though...what either of us would do in a different situation doesn't matter as much as what we would do right now. The you right now is who I'm with - what you would or wouldn't have done before now...doesn't matter. I kind of think our choices now matter more. Um, maybe that's just me though.
[ He can't really do anything about Katsuki maybe dating someone in an alternate universe, or even in the proper timeline if they hadn't come here. He doesn't have the same claim over those versions of Katsuki, even if he might want to.
But the Katsuki here with him right now...he wants this Katsuki to look at him. ]
So, um, right now, there's two more of us? And I just...wanted to know if he's more attractive physically. I won't be upset. I mean, I'm not upset. I just, uh, wondered? I mean, I will presumably eventually look similar so I guess even if I lose now it's whatever.
[ But if they're asking those hard questions, he may as well... ]
It does matter. (Katsuki frowns at that.) You're-.
(Damn it. He bows his head low and for a second, he actually feels a bit stricken.) Forget it, Deku. It doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me and there's shit all to do about that.
(He didn't want to make himself more vulnerable than he already felt like he had. It was embarrassing as hell at this point to constantly grovel at Izuku's feet telling him how special he was to him only to get told-.
He's frowning at the ground between them and only half listening to Izuku. He looks up at the question and frowns harder because what--.)
I don't know? Is older me more attractive than me? (Did that matter?) It's just you but older. You're not losing anything. You're both good-looking in different ways. But still in a way that's you.
[ Well, he doesn't want to answer that one. The truth is that he prefers this Katsuki - the one his age. But...nothing he's saying is getting out correctly, it seems like.
Also, it's a little embarrassing to say that when it's not shared. What if that makes Katsuki feel bad about it or something? ]
Um...forget about that, it was a dumb question. But, uh - I just -
[ The other part is more important, but Izuku goes quiet, trying to figure out how to say it. How can he get it across? He knows they're both upset, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want either of them to storm off either... ]
You know, when we were kids. You could have taken my hand. In a world like that, would we have been like this?
[ He tries for an example, slowly. ]
I've thought about things that "could have" happened branching off from a million different points in my life. A lot of them with you, because you're in so much of my life. What it would have been like if I did this, or said that. What you might or might not have done. Who we might or might not have been. But...
I don't want to spend my time focused on all that. I don't want things that could have happened or happened in another universe or timeline or whatever to matter more than us in this one. Whether or not I would or wouldn't have dated someone when I don't want to date any of them, it doesn't matter to me because it isn't what I want. Sure, I can kind of see how it must have happened for him. But...it didn't for me. I don't want to miss out on time with you thinking about whether or not you would date or marry someone else in some future timeline. I just want to focus on you. And I want you to focus on me, instead of these hypotheticals of me.
(Katsuki doesn't interrupt him. He listens quietly, actually looking at Izuku again for the first time since Izuku came into the kitchen to begin with. Some of that stinging hurt began to dissipate a bit. There's still some hurt, but mostly, he's relaxing and a more somber look comes over him.)
I think about that day all of the time. And where we would have been if I had taken your hand instead. (A soft confession, his eyes shutting partway and he stares down at Izuku's hands.)
I understand why you think that way. I'm not surprised that you do. You overthink everything. I just...
(A slow, deep breath.)
I don't want to hear that you would be happy if I was with someone else. And I don't know how to act like I could be happy for you. I don't know how to act when you tell me you would date other people. I understand what you're saying. I realize that. But I don't want to feel guilty for being jealous of stuff. I don't want you to feel guilty for shit you never did either. I can't stand here and pretend like that shit doesn't hurt me when it does.
Because for me, I wouldn't be happy if you were with someone else. And for me, the hypotheticals with you matter because hypotheticals were all I've had until now. Maybe it's on me for not being able to get over shit. But I can't help but feel like this situation is happening because of the right place and the right time when I want it to happen because I'm special to you the way you're special to me.
(He rubs a hand over his face, frowning.)
And I fucking know you're right. The hypotheticals of other universes don't really matter in the grand scheme of shit. I know that. But fuck. I'm-- I'm...
(He stops. Another deep breath.)
I'm...
(Oh, God. He turns his back abruptly, suddenly bright red as he stomps back over to the stove because oh my god.)
I'm a fucking romantic, okay? God, fucking hell. Maybe I just want to hear that you'd be fucking pissed and jealous if I was fucking open to other people in some dumb hypothetical situation. The hell's so wrong with that? (He's just going to absolutely murder the shit out of his sauce.)
You're so damn selfless and wow, what do you want? A fucking cookie for saying you'd be happy for me? Fuck that. I would hate you dating other people because I fucking want you to date me and I don't give a shit if that makes me an asshole to say because hypothetically or not, I want you in every stupid fucking timeline in every fucking hypothetical.
(What a Romantic Confession????)
I'm always focused on you, dumbass nerd. You're all I fucking think about. And every iteration I meet of you, including that stupid shit sitting out on the couch out there, is a version of you that I want to be with so goddamn get over it. And for the fucking record, I do find you hotter than him because you're my version which automatically means you're better. It's not fucking rocket science. And maybe I don't wanna hear about how you could see yourself dating other people in some other timeline, but you know what?
(Creeking his head around to glare at Izuku.)
Most people fuckin' don't wanna hear that shit said by the person they like! Fucking moron. How obvious do I seriously need to be? I swear to fucking-
(These aren't even vegetables anymore. It's just...gloop. He's so embarrassed right now. This was absolutely not the way he saw himself confessing but he's just pissed okay! And!
[ How loud is he being, here. They do have company in the living room, and Izuku certainly wasn't expecting things to go...the way they are going. They've both been sort of dancing around the words, and somehow Katsuki doesn't directly say "I like you" but instead refers to Izuku as "the person [I] like" which is the same thing but way more blustery about it.
He's never thought of Katsuki as a romantic. But...the first time, when he wanted something special, Katsuki had set it up for him. So maybe that should have been obvious.
Izuku is still leaning against the counter so thankfully he remains standing, even if he's gaping by the time Katsuki actually mentions dating.
They've been playing keepaway from the topic. They've definitely both admitted they didn't want to date anyone else, but they'd kept away from confirming the other half of that... ]
I-I. Um. It's...it's, uh, I just -
[ Ohgod what if their alternates are LISTENING -
Izuku turns off the burner, grabs Katsuki's hand, and tows him outside through the back. Because while they (future) probably know what they (present) are going to be yelling at one another he just.
Needs a short minute with Katsuki here... ]
Uh -
[ His brain has stalled out. That's so much to respond to? ]
I, um, I - you're asking me out?
[ Or was that just admitting he wants to Izuku is starting from the most basic part of all this, cherry red and frantically whispering to Katsuki in their back yard. ]
That's what's happening? Or uh, is this just yelling about wanting to? I, uh - I didn't want to assume - ? I'm not saying no! I am just - uh, - the opposite but um - what? I mean - um, I don't want a cookie but I just- you being happy is important to me. You're important to me. Um -
(It's Katsuki so he's being extremely loud. At least their company is themselves...Who are probably just fucking listening in and going through the five stages of grief of having to partially relive this exact damn moment.
But they have been dancing around this. For months.
No.
For years. Katsuki never imagined a confession moment. He sure as hell didn't entertain it or think it possible. But this world had changed everything that he saw as possible and things between them had become increasingly intimate. It was so hard to not just - be in love with Izuku when they were exchanging little kisses out of the blue and Izuku sending him hearts and offering to cook him food and being fucking sweet as hell.
Katsuki wouldn't have pegged himself as a romantic either, really. He would have sneered at the very idea. But at the end of the day, he was apparently just like his mom and drove full throttle ahead when it came to a dumbass guy he liked.
He might not be a traditional romantic...but...
Fuck. He slams the pan uselessly on the stove because loud noises were soothing!!! It's really a good think Izuku has the foresight to turn off the burner and drag him outside because, yeah, Katsuki was a ticking time bomb. Pun absolutely intended.
Katsuki is just as red. Yeah. These two can have aggressive sex on a nearly regular basis but feelings - that's the embarrassing part. Okay.)
I don't fucking know! (He's so stressed that there are small micro explosions going off around his hands.)
I'm just goddamn clarifying! (He grabs Izuku by the front of his shirt and starts to shake him because yeah, of course he does.) Maybe I want your dumbass to ask me out! After all the goddamn stress you just put me through with all this hypothetical bullshit of other people. Goddamn it. If I wasn't fuckin' blonde, do you know how many gray hairs you would have given me by now between your reckless bullshit in a fight and all this bullshit about you--
(But ahh- ahh wait. He stops shaking and stares at Izuku, his expression smoothing out.)
You're the one who brought up the hypotheticals?!?!
[ They're going to get sidetracked here if they're not careful. Izuku doesn't even stop the shaking although Katsuki's palms are sparking and he likes this shirt so after a minute he grabs the blond's wrists to try to tug them free a bit...
Please leave his clothes in peace. ]
A-and of course it's a yes if that was what you were asking but you just - this is a lot to process?! And they could probably hear us -
I was trying to make a point. I just wanted to hear...
(Well, he's already explained why he was upset, so. He doesn't reiterate. He lets go of Izuku and looks down between them, feeling a strange blend of nervous and embarrassed and maybe partly resolved.)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Yeah, I can see why you would too. Can't say I relate, but, well.
(They already knew that.)
It is what it is, I guess.
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[ It's a very soft correction as Izuku leans against the counter, back to it so he can kind of keep an eye on Katsuki. ]
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Yeah. I know you wouldn't do that now.
(He rubs at the back of his neck, not sure how to express his - feelings. He doesn't really want to, he realizes, because it's all too vulnerable and shitty and it hadn't ended great the last time.)
It's fine, Izuku. I just didn't like hearing about it confirmed is all. That's my fuckin' problem.
(He works a spatula through his sauce.)
Did you have a crush on her?
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And it's not, um. Confirmed. I - I mean. We...can kind of choose what happens when we go back, Kacchan.
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Which hm...)
Yeah. Well. How would you feel if-.
(He stops.)
Not if we don't remember what happened here. (He can't help but be pessimistic. He looks at Izuku then, meeting his gaze dead on.)
I hate the idea of losing what we have. And I hate the idea that maybe if someone else from home had been here and had gotten to you first...
(That he wouldn't have had the chance he did. He knew it was dumb to think about the what-ifs that didn't happen. It's stupid as shit. But older Izuku sitting on that couch with a wedding ring and talking about how he dated Ochako sucked. He's just kinda sulking.)
I mean, fuck. It's not like...(We're dating. The words don't make it but the silence is heavy enough.)
I dunno. I don't wanna - turn this into a fight again. (Granted, they weren't fighting now and were already doing way better than last time, but damn if he's not gunshy on the whole subject.)
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They're fragile and resilient at the same time. ]
It wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't...there's things that are only possible because I ended up here with you. Or - do you think, if someone else had come here with you. Kaminari-kun or Sero-kun or Kirishima-kun.
Would just having shown up here with them meant they'd be standing here with you instead?
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Katsuki snorts at the very idea of all that nonsense.)
Hell no. (At least he didn't really think so. He can't imagine it. But maybe he did, in some universe, get over Izuku if Izuku got with someone else.)
But I also wouldn't just say yes to whoever asked me out just 'cause they care about me. (Then again...) Or maybe I would back home. I dunno. I've never had anyone ask me out either so the fuck do I know.
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[ While fighting off a lot of fears he's not sure he can share with Katsuki. Even just talking about this feels hard.
He's scared Katsuki is blaming him for it. It's...hard to tell if Katsuki is just angry at the thought of the future, or if he's back to being angry at Izuku for something that isn't happening right now. It feels weirdly like being on trial about his feelings, and he's not sure how to get them across. Does a future alternate version of himself dating someone else mean Katsuki's going to hold it against him, or...he can tell Katsuki is trying to be calm, but he can also tell Katsuki isn't happy.
He trails off, debating what to say. The fear and hesitance is obvious in his hunched shoulder posture, in the way he's looking at their kitchen floor. ]
G-going on a few dates with someone...isn't exactly...I mean, it's...maybe I would have agreed to go on a date with someone else if you hadn't been here, but...that doesn't mean it would have gone anywhere. And...I, um. I don't think it ever could have. Not unless...something was very different.
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Mostly because at the end of the day, Katsuki wasn't a liar and had no interest in being one. Even if it was maybe for the best sometimes. And okay, he was avoiding being completely honest by just confessing.)
Yeah. (A mumble. He sighs.)
You don't gotta look like I'm gonna chew off your head for it. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. (He...hated it! But like.)
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[ Izuku holds up his hands. ]
How I feel is that...I don't want to date anyone from our class back home...or, uh, anyone we've met here. Whatever the older me did, I...don't think he's married to one of our classmates.
[ He can't be sure. But...he's kind of sure. ]
Um. Even if he was, it wouldn't be the future I want.
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(So.)
How would you feel if I was open to dating other people?
(A blunt question because, well, he had to deal with listening to Izuku talk about how he would date other people under certain circumstances, so! A fair question maybe. And he stares at Izuku when he asks it.)
In general. Not right now, obviously. But what if I was standing here telling you maybe I would have dated other people too?
(Thing is - Katsuki was fairly sure of who future him was married to as well because, unlike Izuku, he really can't imagine saying yes to a date with anyone but Izuku.)
Okay. Then what is the future you want?
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[ Dating other people. He can see how it would have happened. He can even picture Katsuki dating someone else - he always kind of figured Katsuki would just ace romance if he ever decided he wanted it, and of course it probably would be with someone amazing... ]
And, uh. I guess I - I always figured you would. Until...er, when you told me you didn't have...an interest. I mean, I never thought you were into anyone in particular, but I just always assumed someday you'd get a - well, I assumed a girlfriend or a boyfriend because I didn't know until we got here you were exclusively into guys? So I just kind of assumed, er, well, when we were kids I figured it would be someone strong and cool, and I decided I would be happy for you if you were happy. I thought about it sometimes. I think about almost everything a lot? That's what I - that's why I'm trying to think about, well, I guess this could have happened if this other thing happened or that one thing didn't happen...because I feel like I have to try to understand it, I guess?
[ He's rambling. It's not even on purpose right now, he's just trying to honestly answer the question as thoroughly as he can. ]
I would have been happy for you, and I would have wanted whatever I could get from you. Kacchan, until we got here I didn't even...um, well. Being friends again seemed for so long like it was out of reach, you know?
[ And they got there. They're friends again. ]
...I never let myself think about anything beyond that until you said we should sleep together. I lost you once already, and I never want to lose you again. So...
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Katsuki feels an idle roll of shame and he frowns down at the dinner he was working on and rubs the back of his hand across his forehead.)
Yeah, I know.
(And that's what he should be focusing on. Not- fucking dating stuff. He takes a deep breath again and forces himself to just - fucking. Chill.)
I didn't really think about this stuff before we got here either. (He slides his hand through his hair and sets the lid onto the pot and steps away from the stove. He turns towards Izuku, not quite looking at him, but he does gaze towards him.)
You won't lose me again, Izuku. We've moved past that.
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[ That's not quite the question he means to ask. It's more stupid than that. He knows Katsuki was kind of staring at the other him and like... ]
Um. Do you think I'm more attractive than the other me?
[ He finds it hard to be jealous of possibilities or maybes but he is kind of worried Katsuki thinks his older self is hotter. ]
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(He raises his brows, frowning at Izuku because what's he mean by that-.)
Huh?
(Katsuki finds it easy to be jealous of possibilities because those possibilities...felt real enough. Plus, he just wasn't ever going to be okay with the idea of Izuku into others. He couldn't be happy about that.)
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[ This is what Izuku has been worrying about in addition to the question of who they married, by the way. ]
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You're over here talkin' about how you'd be happy if I was with someone else but you're upset over me thinking about you being hot when you're older?
(He feels a spike of irritation and scowls at Izuku.)
I don't even fuckin' know him. How would I like him better? For all I know he's annoying as shit.
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[ He can't really do anything about Katsuki maybe dating someone in an alternate universe, or even in the proper timeline if they hadn't come here. He doesn't have the same claim over those versions of Katsuki, even if he might want to.
But the Katsuki here with him right now...he wants this Katsuki to look at him. ]
So, um, right now, there's two more of us? And I just...wanted to know if he's more attractive physically. I won't be upset. I mean, I'm not upset. I just, uh, wondered? I mean, I will presumably eventually look similar so I guess even if I lose now it's whatever.
[ But if they're asking those hard questions, he may as well... ]
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(Damn it. He bows his head low and for a second, he actually feels a bit stricken.) Forget it, Deku. It doesn't matter to you, but it matters to me and there's shit all to do about that.
(He didn't want to make himself more vulnerable than he already felt like he had. It was embarrassing as hell at this point to constantly grovel at Izuku's feet telling him how special he was to him only to get told-.
He's frowning at the ground between them and only half listening to Izuku. He looks up at the question and frowns harder because what--.)
I don't know? Is older me more attractive than me? (Did that matter?) It's just you but older. You're not losing anything. You're both good-looking in different ways. But still in a way that's you.
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Also, it's a little embarrassing to say that when it's not shared. What if that makes Katsuki feel bad about it or something? ]
Um...forget about that, it was a dumb question. But, uh - I just -
[ The other part is more important, but Izuku goes quiet, trying to figure out how to say it. How can he get it across? He knows they're both upset, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want either of them to storm off either... ]
You know, when we were kids. You could have taken my hand. In a world like that, would we have been like this?
[ He tries for an example, slowly. ]
I've thought about things that "could have" happened branching off from a million different points in my life. A lot of them with you, because you're in so much of my life. What it would have been like if I did this, or said that. What you might or might not have done. Who we might or might not have been. But...
I don't want to spend my time focused on all that. I don't want things that could have happened or happened in another universe or timeline or whatever to matter more than us in this one. Whether or not I would or wouldn't have dated someone when I don't want to date any of them, it doesn't matter to me because it isn't what I want. Sure, I can kind of see how it must have happened for him. But...it didn't for me. I don't want to miss out on time with you thinking about whether or not you would date or marry someone else in some future timeline. I just want to focus on you. And I want you to focus on me, instead of these hypotheticals of me.
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I think about that day all of the time. And where we would have been if I had taken your hand instead. (A soft confession, his eyes shutting partway and he stares down at Izuku's hands.)
I understand why you think that way. I'm not surprised that you do. You overthink everything. I just...
(A slow, deep breath.)
I don't want to hear that you would be happy if I was with someone else. And I don't know how to act like I could be happy for you. I don't know how to act when you tell me you would date other people. I understand what you're saying. I realize that. But I don't want to feel guilty for being jealous of stuff. I don't want you to feel guilty for shit you never did either. I can't stand here and pretend like that shit doesn't hurt me when it does.
Because for me, I wouldn't be happy if you were with someone else. And for me, the hypotheticals with you matter because hypotheticals were all I've had until now. Maybe it's on me for not being able to get over shit. But I can't help but feel like this situation is happening because of the right place and the right time when I want it to happen because I'm special to you the way you're special to me.
(He rubs a hand over his face, frowning.)
And I fucking know you're right. The hypotheticals of other universes don't really matter in the grand scheme of shit. I know that. But fuck. I'm-- I'm...
(He stops. Another deep breath.)
I'm...
(Oh, God. He turns his back abruptly, suddenly bright red as he stomps back over to the stove because oh my god.)
I'm a fucking romantic, okay? God, fucking hell. Maybe I just want to hear that you'd be fucking pissed and jealous if I was fucking open to other people in some dumb hypothetical situation. The hell's so wrong with that? (He's just going to absolutely murder the shit out of his sauce.)
You're so damn selfless and wow, what do you want? A fucking cookie for saying you'd be happy for me? Fuck that. I would hate you dating other people because I fucking want you to date me and I don't give a shit if that makes me an asshole to say because hypothetically or not, I want you in every stupid fucking timeline in every fucking hypothetical.
(What a Romantic Confession????)
I'm always focused on you, dumbass nerd. You're all I fucking think about. And every iteration I meet of you, including that stupid shit sitting out on the couch out there, is a version of you that I want to be with so goddamn get over it. And for the fucking record, I do find you hotter than him because you're my version which automatically means you're better. It's not fucking rocket science. And maybe I don't wanna hear about how you could see yourself dating other people in some other timeline, but you know what?
(Creeking his head around to glare at Izuku.)
Most people fuckin' don't wanna hear that shit said by the person they like! Fucking moron. How obvious do I seriously need to be? I swear to fucking-
(These aren't even vegetables anymore. It's just...gloop. He's so embarrassed right now. This was absolutely not the way he saw himself confessing but he's just pissed okay! And!
Mostly embarrassed, actually, but like.)
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He's never thought of Katsuki as a romantic. But...the first time, when he wanted something special, Katsuki had set it up for him. So maybe that should have been obvious.
Izuku is still leaning against the counter so thankfully he remains standing, even if he's gaping by the time Katsuki actually mentions dating.
They've been playing keepaway from the topic. They've definitely both admitted they didn't want to date anyone else, but they'd kept away from confirming the other half of that... ]
I-I. Um. It's...it's, uh, I just -
[ Ohgod what if their alternates are LISTENING -
Izuku turns off the burner, grabs Katsuki's hand, and tows him outside through the back. Because while they (future) probably know what they (present) are going to be yelling at one another he just.
Needs a short minute with Katsuki here... ]
Uh -
[ His brain has stalled out. That's so much to respond to? ]
I, um, I - you're asking me out?
[ Or was that just admitting he wants to Izuku is starting from the most basic part of all this, cherry red and frantically whispering to Katsuki in their back yard. ]
That's what's happening? Or uh, is this just yelling about wanting to? I, uh - I didn't want to assume - ? I'm not saying no! I am just - uh, - the opposite but um - what? I mean - um, I don't want a cookie but I just- you being happy is important to me. You're important to me. Um -
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But they have been dancing around this. For months.
No.
For years. Katsuki never imagined a confession moment. He sure as hell didn't entertain it or think it possible. But this world had changed everything that he saw as possible and things between them had become increasingly intimate. It was so hard to not just - be in love with Izuku when they were exchanging little kisses out of the blue and Izuku sending him hearts and offering to cook him food and being fucking sweet as hell.
Katsuki wouldn't have pegged himself as a romantic either, really. He would have sneered at the very idea. But at the end of the day, he was apparently just like his mom and drove full throttle ahead when it came to a dumbass guy he liked.
He might not be a traditional romantic...but...
Fuck. He slams the pan uselessly on the stove because loud noises were soothing!!! It's really a good think Izuku has the foresight to turn off the burner and drag him outside because, yeah, Katsuki was a ticking time bomb. Pun absolutely intended.
Katsuki is just as red. Yeah. These two can have aggressive sex on a nearly regular basis but feelings - that's the embarrassing part. Okay.)
I don't fucking know! (He's so stressed that there are small micro explosions going off around his hands.)
I'm just goddamn clarifying! (He grabs Izuku by the front of his shirt and starts to shake him because yeah, of course he does.) Maybe I want your dumbass to ask me out! After all the goddamn stress you just put me through with all this hypothetical bullshit of other people. Goddamn it. If I wasn't fuckin' blonde, do you know how many gray hairs you would have given me by now between your reckless bullshit in a fight and all this bullshit about you--
(But ahh- ahh wait. He stops shaking and stares at Izuku, his expression smoothing out.)
Wait, the opposite?
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[ They're going to get sidetracked here if they're not careful. Izuku doesn't even stop the shaking although Katsuki's palms are sparking and he likes this shirt so after a minute he grabs the blond's wrists to try to tug them free a bit...
Please leave his clothes in peace. ]
A-and of course it's a yes if that was what you were asking but you just - this is a lot to process?! And they could probably hear us -
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I was trying to make a point. I just wanted to hear...
(Well, he's already explained why he was upset, so. He doesn't reiterate. He lets go of Izuku and looks down between them, feeling a strange blend of nervous and embarrassed and maybe partly resolved.)
I don't care if they hear us.
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tragically I'm falling asleep...
Re: tragically I'm falling asleep...
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❤️
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