[ Katsuki has always been a bit rude, so no one in the room is that startled when he storms out. Worried, maybe, on the part of each Izuku but...it's not that surprising. Izuku's not sure how to handle their order variants but he's been shyly making conversation, definitely noticing how they both grew up - could grow up.
Even the older version of his childhood friend can't keep his gaze for long when his version storms off, though.
It's only a few minutes later when Izuku slips into the kitchen. ]
(It's ultimately not that shocking when Izuku comes after him. Wasn't that just the story of their lives? He looks up from chopping and tries to ground himself so that he didn't come across as pissed at the wrong thing. Counts slowly backwards and when he talks, he manages to be gentle:)
Yeah? Did you need something? (Not asked in a nasty way. He's trying so hard to just- be appropriate about this. Even if he did storm off, he could at least be careful with Izuku directly.)
[ A question he should have had a prepared answer for, undoubtedly, but Izuku hadn't thought of one somehow before following. He'd just come like a puppet on a string.
...he can see the thread between them even now. ]
...just worried. You kinda rushed out. Is everything...okay?
[ People liking him like that...sounds fake. Katsuki's suggested Izuku could fall for other people before and break this off - he's a bit worried Katsuki might be thinking that again, among a few other concerns - but it never really makes sense to Izuku. It's only recently anyone back home learned about his being originally Quirkless, even. ]
I mean, it's weird to me too. But, er, I guess that's the thing about this...they're a possibility rather than a promise, maybe?
(Katsuki doesn't know and he's not really sure if he wants to. He scrapes the cutting board off. It's easy for Izuku to say that, he thinks, when Izuku was the one-.
[ Izuku trails off, trying to pick his words carefully. ]
What do you want the future to look like, Kacchan? I, um. I can see how if, uh - I can see how things could go, I guess. But, um, We've lived some extra time here, y'know, with, well, extra experiences...and they matter a lot.
[ Something in Izuku's expression eases a little at that, although he's a bit scared himself. There's only two possibilities with those rings. Either those versions of themselves got married to other people, or...
An alternative neither of them is ready to say out loud. ]
I mean...a version of me with no experience about how, um, certain things can be with someone. Never been kissed, never gone out...if someone I cared about asked me out, I can see why I'd say yes, even if I didn't feel quite the same way. I wouldn't have known better.
(It's not really what Katsuki wants to hear but he's unsurprised. It was fuel for why he was insecure when he first heard that Izuku found their classmates attractive. He looks away again and busies himself with getting his veggies into a pan to start building up a sauce.)
Yeah, I can see why you would too. Can't say I relate, but, well.
(He notices the correction and glances over at Izuku. There's another unpleasant clench in his chest and he looks back down, frowning.)
Yeah. I know you wouldn't do that now.
(He rubs at the back of his neck, not sure how to express his - feelings. He doesn't really want to, he realizes, because it's all too vulnerable and shitty and it hadn't ended great the last time.)
It's fine, Izuku. I just didn't like hearing about it confirmed is all. That's my fuckin' problem.
No. [ He knows Ochako is pretty and he thinks she's kind and strong. There's admiration there, and she makes him nervous sometimes. But it's not quite the same thing as... ]
And it's not, um. Confirmed. I - I mean. We...can kind of choose what happens when we go back, Kacchan.
(That does make him relax a bit. He sighs quietly. Shit still wasn't amazing to think about because fuck off he hates the idea of Izuku humoring anyone with a date.
Which hm...)
Yeah. Well. How would you feel if-.
(He stops.)
Not if we don't remember what happened here. (He can't help but be pessimistic. He looks at Izuku then, meeting his gaze dead on.)
I hate the idea of losing what we have. And I hate the idea that maybe if someone else from home had been here and had gotten to you first...
(That he wouldn't have had the chance he did. He knew it was dumb to think about the what-ifs that didn't happen. It's stupid as shit. But older Izuku sitting on that couch with a wedding ring and talking about how he dated Ochako sucked. He's just kinda sulking.)
I mean, fuck. It's not like...(We're dating. The words don't make it but the silence is heavy enough.)
I dunno. I don't wanna - turn this into a fight again. (Granted, they weren't fighting now and were already doing way better than last time, but damn if he's not gunshy on the whole subject.)
[ Izuku doesn't want to fight about it either. It's why he's being a little cautious about outright saying anything. There's things between them that don't quite fit right now in the way things do as you learn to put your jagged edges right up against someone else's. And there's other pieces of them already welded together. It's tough to navigate.
They're fragile and resilient at the same time. ]
It wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't...there's things that are only possible because I ended up here with you. Or - do you think, if someone else had come here with you. Kaminari-kun or Sero-kun or Kirishima-kun.
Would just having shown up here with them meant they'd be standing here with you instead?
(It is tough to navigate. Especially when neither of them were ready to confess to painfully obvious romantic emotions. Katsuki wasn't ready to risk that - especially since he had already been hamfisted about this exact subject before and caused that first rift.
Katsuki snorts at the very idea of all that nonsense.)
Hell no. (At least he didn't really think so. He can't imagine it. But maybe he did, in some universe, get over Izuku if Izuku got with someone else.)
But I also wouldn't just say yes to whoever asked me out just 'cause they care about me. (Then again...) Or maybe I would back home. I dunno. I've never had anyone ask me out either so the fuck do I know.
Well, neither have I. And I don't...I wouldn't say yes. But I guess I'm just trying to understand how it happened to another version of me...
[ While fighting off a lot of fears he's not sure he can share with Katsuki. Even just talking about this feels hard.
He's scared Katsuki is blaming him for it. It's...hard to tell if Katsuki is just angry at the thought of the future, or if he's back to being angry at Izuku for something that isn't happening right now. It feels weirdly like being on trial about his feelings, and he's not sure how to get them across. Does a future alternate version of himself dating someone else mean Katsuki's going to hold it against him, or...he can tell Katsuki is trying to be calm, but he can also tell Katsuki isn't happy.
He trails off, debating what to say. The fear and hesitance is obvious in his hunched shoulder posture, in the way he's looking at their kitchen floor. ]
G-going on a few dates with someone...isn't exactly...I mean, it's...maybe I would have agreed to go on a date with someone else if you hadn't been here, but...that doesn't mean it would have gone anywhere. And...I, um. I don't think it ever could have. Not unless...something was very different.
(The thing is Katsuki isn't really angry. That isn't the right word for it. He's just jealous. He's jealous of the idea of Izuku saying yes to other people, dating other people, because - well. He loves him. He likes him. Why would he want to think of that or hear that? And he didn't want Izuku to take his jealousy the wrong way, but he also couldn't pretend like it wasn't there either. He couldn't pretend like he was fine or indifferent to the idea of Izuku dating other people.
Mostly because at the end of the day, Katsuki wasn't a liar and had no interest in being one. Even if it was maybe for the best sometimes. And okay, he was avoiding being completely honest by just confessing.)
Yeah. (A mumble. He sighs.)
You don't gotta look like I'm gonna chew off your head for it. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. (He...hated it! But like.)
How I feel is that...I don't want to date anyone from our class back home...or, uh, anyone we've met here. Whatever the older me did, I...don't think he's married to one of our classmates.
[ He can't be sure. But...he's kind of sure. ]
Um. Even if he was, it wouldn't be the future I want.
And how I feel is I'm never gonna be happy about you dating other people or being open to dating other people. I don't wanna feel guilty every time I feel jealous over that shit.
(So.)
How would you feel if I was open to dating other people?
(A blunt question because, well, he had to deal with listening to Izuku talk about how he would date other people under certain circumstances, so! A fair question maybe. And he stares at Izuku when he asks it.)
In general. Not right now, obviously. But what if I was standing here telling you maybe I would have dated other people too?
(Thing is - Katsuki was fairly sure of who future him was married to as well because, unlike Izuku, he really can't imagine saying yes to a date with anyone but Izuku.)
[ Dating other people. He can see how it would have happened. He can even picture Katsuki dating someone else - he always kind of figured Katsuki would just ace romance if he ever decided he wanted it, and of course it probably would be with someone amazing... ]
And, uh. I guess I - I always figured you would. Until...er, when you told me you didn't have...an interest. I mean, I never thought you were into anyone in particular, but I just always assumed someday you'd get a - well, I assumed a girlfriend or a boyfriend because I didn't know until we got here you were exclusively into guys? So I just kind of assumed, er, well, when we were kids I figured it would be someone strong and cool, and I decided I would be happy for you if you were happy. I thought about it sometimes. I think about almost everything a lot? That's what I - that's why I'm trying to think about, well, I guess this could have happened if this other thing happened or that one thing didn't happen...because I feel like I have to try to understand it, I guess?
[ He's rambling. It's not even on purpose right now, he's just trying to honestly answer the question as thoroughly as he can. ]
I would have been happy for you, and I would have wanted whatever I could get from you. Kacchan, until we got here I didn't even...um, well. Being friends again seemed for so long like it was out of reach, you know?
[ And they got there. They're friends again. ]
...I never let myself think about anything beyond that until you said we should sleep together. I lost you once already, and I never want to lose you again. So...
(He can't help but clench his teeth at Izuku's response. It's not what he wants to hear either, but it's so damn like Izuku to be so selfless. He didn't want Izuku to be okay with him being with someone else. Izuku was - more mature than him, and not for the first time, he's ahead of Katsuki even with this shit.
Katsuki feels an idle roll of shame and he frowns down at the dinner he was working on and rubs the back of his hand across his forehead.)
Yeah, I know.
(And that's what he should be focusing on. Not- fucking dating stuff. He takes a deep breath again and forces himself to just - fucking. Chill.)
I didn't really think about this stuff before we got here either. (He slides his hand through his hair and sets the lid onto the pot and steps away from the stove. He turns towards Izuku, not quite looking at him, but he does gaze towards him.)
You won't lose me again, Izuku. We've moved past that.
(He raises his brows, frowning at Izuku because what's he mean by that-.)
Huh?
(Katsuki finds it easy to be jealous of possibilities because those possibilities...felt real enough. Plus, he just wasn't ever going to be okay with the idea of Izuku into others. He couldn't be happy about that.)
I mean, you were looking at him a lot. S-so...um. It just like - I mean you said you were only attracted to me but he's kind of me and I guess he's cooler looking so I would understand if you like him better?
[ This is what Izuku has been worrying about in addition to the question of who they married, by the way. ]
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Even the older version of his childhood friend can't keep his gaze for long when his version storms off, though.
It's only a few minutes later when Izuku slips into the kitchen. ]
Kacchan?
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Yeah? Did you need something? (Not asked in a nasty way. He's trying so hard to just- be appropriate about this. Even if he did storm off, he could at least be careful with Izuku directly.)
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[ A question he should have had a prepared answer for, undoubtedly, but Izuku hadn't thought of one somehow before following. He'd just come like a puppet on a string.
...he can see the thread between them even now. ]
...just worried. You kinda rushed out. Is everything...okay?
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(A slow exhale and he looks down at the food he was prepping.)
It's just weird to hear about you dating other people.
(He tries to be careful with this, not wanting to - to insinuate anything badly about Izuku.)
I guess I'm not surprised that it happened. A lot of girls like you back home.
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[ People liking him like that...sounds fake. Katsuki's suggested Izuku could fall for other people before and break this off - he's a bit worried Katsuki might be thinking that again, among a few other concerns - but it never really makes sense to Izuku. It's only recently anyone back home learned about his being originally Quirkless, even. ]
I mean, it's weird to me too. But, er, I guess that's the thing about this...they're a possibility rather than a promise, maybe?
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(Katsuki doesn't know and he's not really sure if he wants to. He scrapes the cutting board off. It's easy for Izuku to say that, he thinks, when Izuku was the one-.
He sighs quietly and reaches for the spices.)
Maybe.
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[ Izuku trails off, trying to pick his words carefully. ]
What do you want the future to look like, Kacchan? I, um. I can see how if, uh - I can see how things could go, I guess. But, um, We've lived some extra time here, y'know, with, well, extra experiences...and they matter a lot.
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What do you mean you can see how things could go...? In what way?
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An alternative neither of them is ready to say out loud. ]
I mean...a version of me with no experience about how, um, certain things can be with someone. Never been kissed, never gone out...if someone I cared about asked me out, I can see why I'd say yes, even if I didn't feel quite the same way. I wouldn't have known better.
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Yeah, I can see why you would too. Can't say I relate, but, well.
(They already knew that.)
It is what it is, I guess.
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[ It's a very soft correction as Izuku leans against the counter, back to it so he can kind of keep an eye on Katsuki. ]
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Yeah. I know you wouldn't do that now.
(He rubs at the back of his neck, not sure how to express his - feelings. He doesn't really want to, he realizes, because it's all too vulnerable and shitty and it hadn't ended great the last time.)
It's fine, Izuku. I just didn't like hearing about it confirmed is all. That's my fuckin' problem.
(He works a spatula through his sauce.)
Did you have a crush on her?
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And it's not, um. Confirmed. I - I mean. We...can kind of choose what happens when we go back, Kacchan.
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Which hm...)
Yeah. Well. How would you feel if-.
(He stops.)
Not if we don't remember what happened here. (He can't help but be pessimistic. He looks at Izuku then, meeting his gaze dead on.)
I hate the idea of losing what we have. And I hate the idea that maybe if someone else from home had been here and had gotten to you first...
(That he wouldn't have had the chance he did. He knew it was dumb to think about the what-ifs that didn't happen. It's stupid as shit. But older Izuku sitting on that couch with a wedding ring and talking about how he dated Ochako sucked. He's just kinda sulking.)
I mean, fuck. It's not like...(We're dating. The words don't make it but the silence is heavy enough.)
I dunno. I don't wanna - turn this into a fight again. (Granted, they weren't fighting now and were already doing way better than last time, but damn if he's not gunshy on the whole subject.)
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They're fragile and resilient at the same time. ]
It wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't...there's things that are only possible because I ended up here with you. Or - do you think, if someone else had come here with you. Kaminari-kun or Sero-kun or Kirishima-kun.
Would just having shown up here with them meant they'd be standing here with you instead?
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Katsuki snorts at the very idea of all that nonsense.)
Hell no. (At least he didn't really think so. He can't imagine it. But maybe he did, in some universe, get over Izuku if Izuku got with someone else.)
But I also wouldn't just say yes to whoever asked me out just 'cause they care about me. (Then again...) Or maybe I would back home. I dunno. I've never had anyone ask me out either so the fuck do I know.
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[ While fighting off a lot of fears he's not sure he can share with Katsuki. Even just talking about this feels hard.
He's scared Katsuki is blaming him for it. It's...hard to tell if Katsuki is just angry at the thought of the future, or if he's back to being angry at Izuku for something that isn't happening right now. It feels weirdly like being on trial about his feelings, and he's not sure how to get them across. Does a future alternate version of himself dating someone else mean Katsuki's going to hold it against him, or...he can tell Katsuki is trying to be calm, but he can also tell Katsuki isn't happy.
He trails off, debating what to say. The fear and hesitance is obvious in his hunched shoulder posture, in the way he's looking at their kitchen floor. ]
G-going on a few dates with someone...isn't exactly...I mean, it's...maybe I would have agreed to go on a date with someone else if you hadn't been here, but...that doesn't mean it would have gone anywhere. And...I, um. I don't think it ever could have. Not unless...something was very different.
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Mostly because at the end of the day, Katsuki wasn't a liar and had no interest in being one. Even if it was maybe for the best sometimes. And okay, he was avoiding being completely honest by just confessing.)
Yeah. (A mumble. He sighs.)
You don't gotta look like I'm gonna chew off your head for it. If that's how you feel, that's how you feel. (He...hated it! But like.)
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[ Izuku holds up his hands. ]
How I feel is that...I don't want to date anyone from our class back home...or, uh, anyone we've met here. Whatever the older me did, I...don't think he's married to one of our classmates.
[ He can't be sure. But...he's kind of sure. ]
Um. Even if he was, it wouldn't be the future I want.
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(So.)
How would you feel if I was open to dating other people?
(A blunt question because, well, he had to deal with listening to Izuku talk about how he would date other people under certain circumstances, so! A fair question maybe. And he stares at Izuku when he asks it.)
In general. Not right now, obviously. But what if I was standing here telling you maybe I would have dated other people too?
(Thing is - Katsuki was fairly sure of who future him was married to as well because, unlike Izuku, he really can't imagine saying yes to a date with anyone but Izuku.)
Okay. Then what is the future you want?
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[ Dating other people. He can see how it would have happened. He can even picture Katsuki dating someone else - he always kind of figured Katsuki would just ace romance if he ever decided he wanted it, and of course it probably would be with someone amazing... ]
And, uh. I guess I - I always figured you would. Until...er, when you told me you didn't have...an interest. I mean, I never thought you were into anyone in particular, but I just always assumed someday you'd get a - well, I assumed a girlfriend or a boyfriend because I didn't know until we got here you were exclusively into guys? So I just kind of assumed, er, well, when we were kids I figured it would be someone strong and cool, and I decided I would be happy for you if you were happy. I thought about it sometimes. I think about almost everything a lot? That's what I - that's why I'm trying to think about, well, I guess this could have happened if this other thing happened or that one thing didn't happen...because I feel like I have to try to understand it, I guess?
[ He's rambling. It's not even on purpose right now, he's just trying to honestly answer the question as thoroughly as he can. ]
I would have been happy for you, and I would have wanted whatever I could get from you. Kacchan, until we got here I didn't even...um, well. Being friends again seemed for so long like it was out of reach, you know?
[ And they got there. They're friends again. ]
...I never let myself think about anything beyond that until you said we should sleep together. I lost you once already, and I never want to lose you again. So...
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Katsuki feels an idle roll of shame and he frowns down at the dinner he was working on and rubs the back of his hand across his forehead.)
Yeah, I know.
(And that's what he should be focusing on. Not- fucking dating stuff. He takes a deep breath again and forces himself to just - fucking. Chill.)
I didn't really think about this stuff before we got here either. (He slides his hand through his hair and sets the lid onto the pot and steps away from the stove. He turns towards Izuku, not quite looking at him, but he does gaze towards him.)
You won't lose me again, Izuku. We've moved past that.
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[ That's not quite the question he means to ask. It's more stupid than that. He knows Katsuki was kind of staring at the other him and like... ]
Um. Do you think I'm more attractive than the other me?
[ He finds it hard to be jealous of possibilities or maybes but he is kind of worried Katsuki thinks his older self is hotter. ]
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(He raises his brows, frowning at Izuku because what's he mean by that-.)
Huh?
(Katsuki finds it easy to be jealous of possibilities because those possibilities...felt real enough. Plus, he just wasn't ever going to be okay with the idea of Izuku into others. He couldn't be happy about that.)
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[ This is what Izuku has been worrying about in addition to the question of who they married, by the way. ]
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tragically I'm falling asleep...
Re: tragically I'm falling asleep...
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❤️
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