defendure | Noctium Inbox

[ This is all gonna scar...well, maybe not. They just need a doctor with healing magic. But even then - it might.

Izuku's fingers pause for barely a second. Then he's cleaning again, before he can bandage it up. ]

...okay. [ Is Katsuki worried about him, or is this fear? ]

[Caution. And... yeah, concern for Izuku. Why the fuck else would he call him and tell him not to go home? Katsuki lets him deal with his arm, scowling and tensing a bit from the pain, but he's been trashed before (thanks All Might).

He's not sure what the pause was for... actually, no he knows exactly what the pause was for. It brings some troubling feelings. For a while, he lets him work in silence before finally finding some voice.]

There's a lot about you I don't get. Don't agree with.

But... I know I should treat you better. You've sacrificed and adjusted a lot for me... I want to pay more attention to what you want and need. I don't want to be the source of your unhappiness.

I don't want to be the source of yours either, Kacchan.

[ It's the first thing to come to mind, and he feels immediately like maybe it's the wrong thing to say, because he never quite explains right but... ]

I haven't treated you all that well recently either. I'm not really happy about it.

You've treated me better than you should.

[But he's too kind-hearted and holds him too highly to do so.]

I can't promise I'll ever understand some things about you. And you piss me off and frustrate me to no end. And maybe you'll never see it. But...

[ but ]

You make me happy, Deku.

[ That's...it's not quite embarrassing, exactly, although Izuku flushes red, flustered. But maybe it feels like something heavy and more straightforward and honest than Katsuki usually is about his emotions, and that feels somehow fragile. Or important. Or both.

Katsuki doesn't lie...usually. When he does, it's usually to say he doesn't have those kinds of feelings for his friends, or to disparage people he likes and respects - Izuku's well aware their parents and All Might tick Katsuki off a lot of the time, but he's never doubted the other hero cares for them deeply. Just...you know, the bit about him.

So he trusts it, but it's a little hard to internalize...even so... ]

It's been almost half a year since you got here, and I can pretty much count on one hand the number of times you've actually made me genuinely unhappy. The rest...despite all of it, this place and everything weird, I can't count on anything how many times you've made me happy instead.

[ They just have, uh, pretty memorable fights. And Izuku gets twisted up over those. ]

I like being with you even when it's hard.

[It's all of those. Embarrassing. Heavy. Straightforward. Honest. Fragile. Important. He knows there are so many things between them that can never be completely addressed, and he'd be a fool to think a single work or comment would erase, cover, or make up for everything. But even if this isn't touching on the real shit between them, the things that have happened over the past few weeks, the numerous breakdowns and staggers that led to frustrations and stops... Those are things he can address.

One at a time. One piece at a time. It's what he can handle without completely swamping himself. He doesn't expect this to change anything and would be stupid if it did. Too many ingrained things that are as embossed as reflexes and habits. Not just himself, but Izuku too. There's no way what he said just now has done anything except splat against the walls all around him. It'll take time for those things to sink in and be absorbed, if the guy can even find it in himself to do that anymore.

But at least... at least he's getting this part out...]

Okay.

[What makes Izuku genuinely unhappy. What makes him truly happy. What he brushes off and covers with his happiness rather than address it or confront it. Katsuki doesn't know the answer to those questions beyond the surface and a few deeper truths they both share. But arguing about it... That's gotta stop.

Even if he doesn't get it, may even be struggling to believe it, he has to trust Izuku.]

[ Katsuki can recognize those smiles that aren't quite genuine, but then there's those things that do make him happy that seem alien - they're both motivated by slightly different things, even if their end goals are the same exact place. Like speaking a different dialect, almost exact but not quite.

A lot of the time, Izuku gets frustrated and can't quite understand Katsuki either when they come to a head - he'd never even considered Katsuki thought he was looking down on him, back then - any more than Katsuki can understand some of Izuku's internal motivations even if he can recognize them in action.

There are things Izuku has to learn to trust as well. He's finished up the emergency patch up, so he's just sitting there, gnawing his lip as he turns that single word over in his mind. ]

We should really get you to the hospital, Kacchan.

[Trust is a hard thing. Just knowing someone really well doesn't always mean you can trust someone really well. Hell, it might even be why you can't trust someone. Katsuki doesn't trust Izuku in some areas, though he trusts him in most of them. The "I'm fine" and that self-sacrificing part being the most obvious cases.

But that's for another time. Right now, there's this to deal with.]

I know. But I want to wait a few hours.

Mm...maybe we should at least switch to an empty apartment. If someone does come looking for you, it'd be better if we didn't have to split our focus.

[ Seeing these wounds, he's unsure they'd be able to effectively defend the civilian. ]

Yeah, we can do that. See if either of our old rooms is open. Might let us crash for a bit.

[Katsuki curls his arm a little, testing the injury. Fuck, hurts...]

I know I should've called you; we agreed on that. But the fight started before I could and ended before I had the chance to contact you.

[Could've called him while they were walking, but... he hadn't planned on getting into a fight until the creep labeled him a "target" and then it turned into "advantage = who strikes first" deal.]

[ Izuku shakes his head. He's upset he wasn't there, but...helping bandage Katsuki up and being called after did address those concerns for him. ]

It's not your fault, Kacchan. [ He's pretty sure Katsuki would have admitted if it were, for starting a fight. It's not like he ever hides that kind of thing, so the retelling is definitely accurate. ] As to rooms...let's just grab one of the ones they let new people stay in. I don't know that the other guys are in the same place, but they wouldn't be useful in a fight even if they were.

[It's still a bother to him to have broken that promise after he made such a big deal about Izuku holding to it. Che... well if Izuku ever does the same, he'll be able to call a one-for-one "we're even now" and Katsuki won't be able to do shit but growl at him without argument. Luckily instances that call for that will be rare.

Hopefully.]

Okay. [Katsuki tests his side before pushing himself up to his feet.] Let's go. Get the woman; got something to tell her too.

[With that, he goes for the groceries.]

[ Izuku doesn't argue, although he closes up the kit and throws out the used items that need to be thrown out before he retrieves the gem woman. ]

[Once the two of them are back, Bakugou describes his attacker, as well as giving a quick run down of his body manipulation abilities that he'd been able to suss out. He'd give Izuku more detail alone, but since he couldn't be sure he wasn't being stalked, he at least didn't want the asshole going after people completely clueless.

He'd already told the woman someone was after him before she let him in, so at least she already knows the danger and accepted the potential risk.]

[ Izuku's never met the guy and says so, but he files it away to be on guard if he ever does. Sounds like another gembonded...?

After that, it's probably easy to snag a room. None of the gembonded ever need be homeless here. ]

[Katsuki's not surprised to hear he hasn't met him, but once the woman's agreed to see them off, he's leaving with Izuku and heading to the room they can snag. Just going to drop all the shit off and sink down by the wall.]

Probably don't have to worry too much. If he bothers us in our house, I'll get the Diamond Guard involved and they'll fuck him over.

You say that, but you don't want to go home right now, do you?

[ Or, more pointedly, to the hospital. ]

Already said I'm not going back for a few days, Deku.

[Keep your head on, idiot.]

We'll spend the night at the hospital. Crash with the fucking Failure Pirates for two days, then go home.

[Plus they can warn their allies.]

I'm assuming that doubles as a place to surveil our house from...

[ He'll have to pick up some clothes changes or something. ...are any of those groceries going to go bad, actually? ]

Yeah.

[Another reason he deliberately got the lot within eyesight of the pirates' home. Don't worry, he's got a cold pack in there. Plus this room's ACed.]

Mm...probably should warn at least Shinso-kun and Jiro-san. She's living alone.

[ He hasn't spoken to the remaining adults in a while and they can probably handle themselves... ]

Bedhead went home already?

[Katsuki frowns at the information. he hasn't spoken to any of their teachers in a long time. Hell, last time he'd spoken to Endeavor was while trying to rip his throat out as the devil.]

Mm...we were talking a while ago, but her username went offline. Last I checked Endeavor and Hawks still have contacts, but the person I spoke to most recently was Jiro-san. I mean...obviously besides you.

[ He's pretty certain that part could have gone without saying.

Izuku sits down cross legged. He'd been out for a run originally, so he's in sweats and a shirt. Nothing fancy. ]

Tanuki Eyes is also gone.

[All Might and Aizawa are gone, not sure about Present Mic. It's annoying, but in a way he's glad they're not stuck here.

A small "mh" is all the obvious statement gets.]

Shit, I wanna go home.

[ Izuku doesn't respond to that for a moment. He misses home and has so much he needs to do there, but...the longer they're here, the more of a loss it is.

Not like they'll ever even know about that loss. And honestly, Izuku would make the trade willingly for the sake of everyone back home, but even so...he doesn't like to think about it too much. ]

I know.

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